Mystery solved

It’s been a really slow month! There hasn’t been much to report lately, except for something I discovered recently. Generally I’m happy to find out anything new about him. I don’t care what it is. Even if I found out he had IBS, I would be happy just because it was something new and personal about my boy. This is SO. MUCH. BETTER!!

I have always wondered where he goes for lunch every day. On the rare occasion we leave for lunch at the same time, I’ve seen him drive off into the same direction each time and he’s always gone for at least an hour. Being such an optimistic person (right!), my first thought is having an afternoon delight with some whore at lunch. What else could he possibly be doing each day that would require this behavior?? Maybe his wife works nearby. But I have a very strong intuition that tells me she probably gets to stay home with their kid, so that’s low on my list of possibilities. While following him might have crossed my mind, I never did. :) I had given in to the idea that I would never know what he did during his lunches. Sigh…

One day, which will always, always be known to me as THE day, I was on my way to grab a bite to eat, when I’m sitting at a stop sign about to turn onto a busy freeway. I notice coming towards me and about to turn onto my street is an SUV that looks just like his. I’m thinking to myself, “Oh how sweet that would be if I were to actually see him outside of work!”, but completely doubted that it would be him. Holy crap! It WAS him! What are the odds? He had on his Cool Guy sunglasses and looked better than he usually does for some reason. Yum!

There was a little flutter in my tummy and a panic about how to handle the situation. Do I smile at him and wave? Oh no, not me. I’m totally predictable. I’ll just stare at him like a deer in the headlights while he turns onto my street and not do a freaking thing. What a moron.

Well, I did do one psycho thing. I sat at the stop sign watching him in my rear view mirror after he passed me. Just as I was about to drive off, what do I see? Is he turning? Yes. He’s turning into the parking lot of the business center right next to me. I HAVE to know what he’s doing, so I sit a bit longer. Thank goodness there weren’t any cars behind me because my ass wasn’t going anywhere! I watch him park then I speed off because I’m starting to feel the crazy coming on. Thirty seconds doesn’t make you a stalker, but anything after that is creepy.

As I’m driving off, I feel this sense of great satisfaction. Is that weird? Now all I can think about it getting my food and rushing back to the office, driving by the parking area naturally! He was still there, so I did the I-don’t-see-you move again. Once back at work, I quickly reveal my finding to my friend. And the next day I “happen” to go the same way and he’s there again. She thinks I’m bordering on loony, I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot! I know what he does for lunch!!

At first I actually thought it was odd that he sat in a parking lot every day eating his lunch, but then I really can’t blame him. I don’t want to be at my GD job any more than I have to and unless you have things to do at lunch, what else is there to do? I have seen him a few more times there since then. When I see him I have this fantasy of driving over and having lunch with him. Or whatever else my mind can conjure up. It’s not hard.

Before you go thinking I’m getting too wacko, I do actually take that route a couple of times a week anyway. I was starting to think of myself as being nuts for going by there more than once, but then I realized I’ve been going that way for a really long time now and just never noticed he was there. So just because I keep going that way….it’s ok, I’m cool! :)

Ok, I feel like I’ve spent too much time on this post explaining how I’m NOT being a stalker. Thou doth protest too much? Nah.

Things I know about my corner office obsession…

*The following items are things I claim to “know” about my obsession. The information I have compiled in this list is what I’ve gathered from peeking in his office when he’s out and listening to his conversations, which I’m not above doing. And really, does it matter how I know? I simply want to know as much about him as I can. Is that bad?

1. He likes hunting – hence the pictures of him with a gun and dead animals hanging in his office. Normally I would hate this, so I’ll just pretend like he’s holding a flower and posing with Bambi.

2. His birthday is sometime in June…I think. I can’t always hear things in their whole story, but I really do try.

3. He gets sick, but still looks perfect and delish. I kept hearing people ask him how he was feeling and if the antibiotics (antibiotics, wha..?) were helping. He must be super human. Like the only way to take him down would be with Kryptonite. Or my come hither eyes.

4. He is married. I bet he loves his wife unconditionally and she’s the nicest woman on Earth. Bitch.

5. He has a son. He’s two years old. He is definitely the family man type. That only makes me more interested.

6. He dresses nice at work. Always very neat and coordinated. Although I hear he did dress like a 12 year old boy for the company “picnic”. But I wasn’t there to witness the travesty, so it is automatically cancelled out.

7. He has never seen Wedding Crashers. Excuse me, but who hasn’t seen Wedding Crashers? He probably doesn’t watch those kinds of movies. That would be a bummer and possible deal killer because I have a dirty mind and love Vince Vaughn.

8. He bakes cookies. Company picnic. Yes, I scoped the food list for his name. If I find out he cooks too, it’s all over for me. Cute, super human AND cooks?? The possibility alone makes me tingle in special places.

9. He’s just a nice guy. There seems to be a lot of evidence to support this theory. And there is no way I could ever be wrong.

10. I DO read into things…intentionally. That’s how I know he really has the hots for me too. I know when he says good morning that he is really thinking how much he wants to rip my clothes off!

And I check out his ass sometimes (and wonder what he looks like naked). I'm aware this doesn't really apply to the list, but I felt that was important to say.

*I reserve the right to retract or change any of these statements whenever I feel like it and do not guarantee 100% accuracy. :)

Missed Opportunities

I feel like I have really let my blog down this past week! In my defense, I was out of town all weekend and missed was not at work a couple of days as well. Plus, there hasn’t been much activity between me and the object of my obsession. He was out a couple of days as well. I’m absolutely positive he’s missed me as much as I’ve missed him! :)

Surprisingly, I didn’t think about him at all this weekend. We went to Arkansas’s Crater of Diamonds to dig for…well, diamonds. Not exactly my dream vacation, but the kids wanted to go. It turned out to be more fun than I expected though. Me being Ms. Negative and all, I guess when you have low expectations it’s harder to disappoint! Unfortunately, I didn’t return with any diamonds. But then again, I didn’t do much digging either. Shoveling dirt in the blazing sun for hours isn’t in my DNA.

Back to Brandon...he wasn’t here Friday morning, so I wasn’t disappointed at all when I had to leave work at noon to go on my family vacation. But I ran into him in the parking lot on my way out. What luck! Well it’s bound to happen occasionally considering I park right next to him. It’s a great spot; I don’t park there because of him. Uh, BS much? Anyway, we greeted each other and again, I panicked then got in my car as fast as I could.

I say “again” because last week I did the same crap. I think I missed a great opportunity to have a (brief) conversation with him. Just before quitting time, out of nowhere comes this mini hurricane! It was storming like a mother and the power was flickering and people were basically freaking out (i.e. using it as an excuse to leave early). So I’m wandering the halls for whatever reason and on my way back to my office I see that he has opened his blinds. I was able to see the 60 mph winds, torrential rains and lightening that I know wanted to kill me. I’m walking straight towards him and he’s obviously interested in me the weather. He makes eye contact with me for a few seconds and I think “This would be a great time to comment about the weather” which I know is really boring, but it would be a legitimate conversation, an upgrade from “Morning. How are you? Good!” Right?!

Stupid me, I mumble something to myself and make a beeline for the guy’s office next to his. I know this guy, he’s in my department and I know I can talk to him, I’m safe. I don’t know what happened! I’m so terrible at starting up conversations. What a wuss/idiot I am! I can’t believe I chickened out like that. I really let myself down!

Oh well. Maybe I’ll get another chance soon to redeem myself. I’m sure I’ll screw that up too. I can feel that he really wants to talk to me though. Or maybe that’s just gas.

Not about B-boy, but I'm posting anyway.

Caution: What you are about to read may cause mood swings or make you slam your head into your desk, keyboard or the nearest sharp object. Stop reading this if you don’t want this tune to get stuck in your head the way it has been stuck in mine. All. Morning. Long. It is driving me nuts!

But I have to say something about it, and for those of you curious (or foolish) enough to keep reading, don’t say I didn’t warn you! Here it goes: Gilligan’s Island theme song. Why? I don’t even watch the show. I don’t like the show. I vaguely remember watching it with my grandparents when I was a small child. And I'm sure what's playing in my head isn't even the right version.

So what triggered this memory? I don’t know what it was. All I know is that I woke up late after a restless night, tired, cranky and hungry. All of those things = bitch. Having this song on repeat in my head as I take a shower raises that to a whole other level. You know those totally classy “Super Bitch” logos on shirts, trucker caps and car stickers? I HATE them! But I feel like I should come with a warning today, perhaps have that logo tattooed to my forehead.

I’ve got to get this out of my head. I’m looking for any kind of distraction. I don’t care what it is. I’ve got my coffee and I’m about to plug in my iPod and blast Gilligan right out of my head. I apologize if you also get this song burned in your brain, but I did warn you.

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes...

Just because you have a few risqué, detailed, graphic (and totally harmless) dreams about someone doesn’t mean anything, right?! Well, it DOES confirm what you and I already know…um, I’m obsessed. But what good is having an obsession about someone if you don’t at least have some borderline erotic dreams about him?

It’s kind of embarrassing, but funny at the same time. If you’ve ever experienced this, and I think most people do, it’s always extremely awkward to walk into work the next day and see that person and remember how close you were and the beautiful moments (or raunchy trysts) you shared. You’re afraid to make eye contact and when you do, you can’t help but think about what you did and become flustered! Then you remember the exciting and illicit make-out session you just had involved dream girl and dream boy. Not the real you. And there is a part of you that is grateful, because at least you didn’t physically cheat on your significant other. But there is a small, or maybe slightly bigger, part of you that is disappointed it didn’t really happen. But I remember how they feel. Hmmmm… :)

I have had many intimate encounters with, um...I mean dreams, about Brandon. These dreams usually vary quite a bit. Anywhere from him courting me and flirting with me to a full blown smooch fest. They are sexual, but up to this point, there hasn’t been any actual sex. Sorry to disappoint! For some reason it just hasn’t gone that far. But when it does, I promise I will let you know. I can tell you he is a damn good kisser though! The best one so far still gives me butterflies when I think about it. In one rare disappointing dream, he was his typical perfect self and when I finally got close to him, he became old with long, gray hair. Not a good looking old man, I might add. That was my least favorite. And thankfully a one time thing!

He is always so nice and sweet and attentive in my dreams. I imagine that is how he is with his wife. And I’m so jealous. But I think if in some parallel universe, or if both of our spouses spontaneously and simultaneously left us, and we ended up together, I’d be really scared that it wouldn’t be anything like my dreams and I don’t want to ever find out if that’s true. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I would LOVE to know! As long as he doesn’t turn into the old man with long hair who whips out pictures of his 22 year old kid (vision of things to come?).
For now I think I’ll just enjoy having these dreams, and I actually look forward to them. It’s a way of spicing up my nights a bit without any consequences. I wake up the next day to my husband, completely unaware of what my subconscious is doing behind his back. We make jokes or tease each other, get our toddler ready to go to her babysitter and kiss each other before we leave. A good morning by most standards. Then it’s off to work for me where I’ll walk in the door and the very first person I’ll see is the man of my dreams…literally.

To give you an idea of what he looks like...

It's been a few days since my last, and only, post. But I promise I won't neglect my blog! Here are some pictures of the men who, in their own beautiful ways, remind me of Brandon. They are in no particular order, because they are all cute! He may not be as hot at these guys, but I get excited when I see their pictures and I'm reminded of him...in a normal, non-crazy way, of course. I should probably mention that after I discovered Brandon, I developed an unhealthy interest in movies and tv shows that Gerard, Scott and Ben are in. I didn't watch "The Strangers" three times because Liv Tyler is a good actress, you know!

BTW, he didn't come in this morning, so I missed our usual greeting that I look forward to everyday. Even though it's only either a simple "Morning" or the generic grin you give someone you don't know, but still enjoy it!

Update: He just got here. Sweet! So at least I get a couple of hours to obsess over him from afar :)

How, When and (maybe) Why It Started...

I’d like to start by saying I love my husband. He really is a good guy with a good heart and we have a beautiful daughter and other than being a little insensitive sometimes, he’s a pretty good guy. In real life, I would never cheat on him. But in my alternate life (work), I have a boyfriend. His name is Brandon. He’s a cute, friendly, nice guy. The only problem is he doesn’t know he’s my boyfriend. I’m not even positive he knows my name, even though we’ve been sitting about 10 feet away from each other for 8 months.

But somehow I know SO MUCH about him, probably enough for him to think I’m psycho if he knew what I was thinking. Not to mention, the multiple dreams I have had involving him.

Am I in love with him? Nope. So what is the big deal? How did this start, you ask? Well, I will attempt to tell you. I still to this day can’t really even give myself a good reason why I’m obsessed with him, but I’m going to do my best to explain it to you (and myself).

My good friend/confidante/co-worker is the only other living soul who knows about this. I am so thankful that I am able to tell her. I think my head would explode if I had to keep it all inside. Not even my therapist, whom I put on a pedestal and trust with my deepest thoughts and feelings, knows. My friend has been encouraging me to start this blog, and I’m glad she did. I’m not afraid to admit that I’m obsessive, but I swear to you I am not a stalker! Although when she jokingly said I should follow him home, I briefly considered it!

It all began before I sat so close to him. I saw him one day on my way back from the bathroom. Our eyes locked for a couple of seconds…I did a double take…and I was hooked. He was probably wondering why this weird chick kept staring at him. Before you know it, I started making extra trips to the bathroom and kitchen. I know, I know! I’m pathetic. Anyway, by chance, an office around the corner opened up and because I do a lot of training and conference calls on speaker phone, I thought it would be considerate of me to move away from the cubicles I shared with two others. At least that’s what I told myself. He was a bit of extra incentive. So here I am.

There is only a small window of time to be introduced to someone you work with before you only know them as “the person you occasionally see around the office”. After that, it’s just weird. My friend and I have on many occasions discussed, theorized and dissected why I’m so interested in this boy. In our professional opinion, we’ve decided it’s because I don’t know him and he is a mystery to me. He seems like the “nice guy” in the office. And for now, that’s a perfectly acceptable reason to me. Nothing crazy about that!

So here I am, day after day, finding reasons to see him. What will it be today? An extra visit to the bathroom? Will I needlessly print a document to the printer directly in front of his office? Or both? Which ever one, rest assured I will find a reason.